The definition of "toxic" is pretty fluid - what is toxic for me may not be toxic for you, but there are a few basic characteristics of toxic people.
Generally, a toxic person will be very draining, leave you feeling depressed, angry, anxious, worried and/or strained. Toxic people also like to make you deal with their issues and depending on the relationship, they may blame you for their problems. They do not care about anyone other than themselves and they typically view the world as being all about them.
In a word, toxic people are destructive.
I'm sure we have all run into 1 or 2 toxic people, the problem comes when we keep these toxic people in our life.
To be clear, you will never be happy if you keep toxic people in your life.
These types of people are considered destructive for a reason - they are destructive! They seep all positivity and happiness from your life.
Your first step to ridding yourself of this source of stress is to recognize if you have a toxic person in your life. Pay attention to how the people around you make you feel. If you feel badly after engaging with a specific person (not just sometimes but most of the time), that person may be toxic. If you have a person in your life who displays selfish and destructive behaviors, that person is likely toxic.
Once you have identified the toxic person, you need to work on eliminating that person from your life. Depending on the relationship you have, this may be difficult. This person could be a family member, childhood friend, co-worker, etc. and you may feel guilty about kicking them out of your life, especially since toxic people can be very manipulating and they will make you feel guilty.
First, do not feel guilty! Realize that making this change is only going to benefit you in the future.
There are a few ways to eliminate toxic people from your life:
For family members, close friends and co-workers, initiate the low-contact rule. That just means limit your contact as much as possible. When you are around these people, do not engage. Avoid getting caught up in an argument or trying to solve their problems or doing something just to make them happy. Let them be toxic all by themselves.
For people who are just acquaintances or not really important to you, kick them right out of your life without a second thought!
There is a third option that I would only suggest if the person is someone you love dearly and cannot imagine living without (such as a child, spouse, parent, etc.) and that is working on the relationship.
Some toxic people become toxic and destructive because of their experiences. A string of really difficult circumstances can turn a generally fun-loving and happy person into a toxic, destructive person. In these cases, instead of simply being done with that person, I would try therapy, counseling or just talking to that person. These cases can be very difficult, hurtful and confusing, but if both parties involved are willing, the relationship can be salvaged.
Typically, if there is a toxic person in your life, you already know it. Choose one of the three ways to deal with the situation and then do it today! Your happiness is waiting...
