Monday, July 30, 2012

Stress Management - Stop Borrowing Stress!

Have you ever heard the saying "you are borrowing trouble?" It basically means that you are looking for and taking on problems that are likely not even yours. 

Unfortunately, many of us do this with stress.

*Have you ever found yourself feeling down or maybe even depressed after talking to a friend or co-worker who has just poured out all his or her troubles to you? Not that there is anything wrong with being a friend and lending an ear, but is this the same toxic friend or co-worker (more on toxic people later) who pours out all their troubles to you all the time? 

*Do you find yourself getting upset on behalf of others frequently? People who are completely capable of taking care of themselves?

*Are you controlling?

*Do you have unrealistic expectations of others?

You may not do all of these things, you may only identify with 1 or 2, but even identifying with just 1 thing is an indicator that you are borrowing stress.

For some people, this is kind of a knee-jerk habit, simply the way that they live. Others may operate this way infrequently, but even 1 time is too many in my book.

The problem with borrowing stress is that everyone will have their fair share of problems and stress just because we are alive. Taking on unnecessary stress robs us of our happiness and the ability to deal with normal stress as effectively as we can.

Here are a few tips to stop borrowing stress: 

Eliminate needy and toxic people from your life. OK, you may not have to eliminate them completely, but you do need to eliminate their stress. A great first step is to stop listening to their problems! As soon as the person in question starts telling you what bad thing happened to them today, stop them in their tracks. Let them know you are only focusing on the positives today. If need be, don't ask them how they are doing.

Notice if you are constantly defending or getting angry for a person. If the person is able to take care of themselves, let them! 

Let go of control. This subject should be (and will be) a post of it's own. Control is an illusion and trying to stay in control is nothing but an stressful exercise in frustration. Most people believe in something bigger than themselves. That is a great place to put your desire to control. This one may be difficult and a little scary, but it's also an instant happiness boost (once you get over the scary part).

Don't place expectations on others, especially others who you know are not up for the job. Don't keep hoping, wishing and praying that so-and-so will finally change. Expect nothing and you will always be pleasantly surprised if something good happens. This goes for situations as well! Don't expect certain things to happen just because they should. You are only opening up yourself for disappointment and stress.

Follow these tips, turn them into habits and you have taken a big step towards finding your happiness heuristic. 


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